Larry Mendte: I Love Twitter

I love Twitter. If we could somehow limit people to 140 characters in real life, just think of how much better life would be. For one thing, 24-hour cable news would be non-existent. Twitter provides a perfect format for comedy writers. Most comics’ feeds read like a Steven Wright standup routine with quick, non-sequitur thoughts that are laugh-out-loud funny. The great injustice is that @SquirrelJustice only has 1,374 followers. She should have 10 times that amount. The name on her Twitter account only says Nikki, and she is funny as she is mysterious. Nikki would not tell me much about herself except that she moved to South Jersey from North Carolina and has lived in the area for six years. She is not a comedy writer, but she should be. She call Twitter “an amazing outlet for my idiotic stream of consciousness.”

Most people don’t know you’re allowed AND encouraged to use those portable defibrillators on unruly kids at Target.

I should dump a celebratory cooler of Gatorade on this 90 year old lady who just took 9 minutes to sign her name on the credit card display.

I probably could have had a shot at winning the Pillsbury Bake-Off had I known it was actually a cooking competition.

The funniest of Nikki’s tweets aren’t acceptable even for The Philly Post. So be warned or be encouraged, depending on your sensibilities.

“Do you think Clint Eastwood whines like this when he gets a shower?” “He never takes showers.” Kid’s right.

Texting a woman in labor is criminal but I’ll be damned if I can stop doing it.

I thought I was having a bad day but at least I didn’t have to hold a “Yes, that’s my weiner” press conference.

When my pretend son was born, I remember thinking how perfect he was, even more so than real babies because I gave him a six pack and a tan!

If there’s a rock and roll heaven, there must be a rock and roll hell and I bet that guy who played guitar for Wham is on the short list.

Kazor.com World Community News » Show Your Patriotism with Full ...

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